In my mind, yes i still love him. But in my heart, its kinda lost the sparks when i meet him for the first time after a long time we didnt see each other. What does it mean. Am i imagining i still like him or am i really still love him. If yes to the latter, so where's the sparks im dying to rejoice after all these time he's been absent for quite sometimes?
Do i really need him or have i been longing for the time we were once unseperable item, once again? I really like him but do i still love him... Even a cold shoulder treatment he gave when we were apart?
wow... tak sangka dah seminggu dah cuti sekolah... tak rasa macam dah setahun dah berkhidmat kat redong... hurm... setahun mcm beberapa bulan je rasa... tapi experiences-nya mcm 'org tu' cakap, macam 10 tahun.. hehe.. how i missed him... :(
note to myself : update a year in redong - cuti panjang xde wat pape...
owh, and nak wish my bestfriend, Ben, selamat pengantin baru... will be at ur reception Ben.. will be there... cant wait.... am proud of u... :)
apa nak plan cuti ni ek? klu dulu bnyak je plan sbb mr x selalu je ada plan.. semenjak dua menjak single ni, hurm. entah la.. malas nak xtau nak gi mana sbb xde partner dah nak jalan... nak gi kedah umah shu n wan, mmg rasa nak gi, tapi nak drive sorg2.. haish... naik bus? phobes sangat....
been planning nak intensified my diet programme, duh... asik makan je... intensified la kaedahnya! huhu.... owh yes, paling kuat pun, spending time nengok wayang ek... hurm... terrific idea! oklah... chow.. nak book tickets online... :)
I just wondering, why are so mean? In other words, why are you so cruel? Sound harsh, but that's what I felt..
I give you nothing but my love, care and attention. But why? Why are you so mean?
Is it hard to keep a little heart of mine, happy? I need none of yours except a piece of your love and attention and just minutes from your hours.. Is it hard to keep me smile even though you know, a text from you brighten my day? An 'allowed' call from me make my heart contented let alone a call from you?
I give you nothing but my love, care and attention. But something so little from you is that hard?? I'm sorry for asking to much in return..
I just love you and you know it.. Maybe I should stop loving you..
Both sound almost the same but carried different meanings and definitions. And in my case, I'm not sure which one is apply but the truth is, I felt the same - under and sometimes un-appreciated.
Once you love and care someone so so much, you can't help but feel defenceless. True. You are exposed to many feelings and most of them are fragile. You can't help but absorbing the attacks and pain and all the heart-ache. That's is because you are the only one who strive for the relationship while the other party is ignorance or just play dumb.
In my case, I love this person very much. No words I could utter to picture my love for him. He knows it and so as others. My gestures for him all this while only reflected how much I cared and loved and affection for him. As divine as it sounds but its all platonic. Even I couldn't describe my relationship with him. Only thing I can tell is I love him more than a brother, more than the best-est friend, more than a family and more than a man can love a woman.
to be continued...
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone
Apa erti raya tanpa org tersayang, apa erti raya tanpa ibadah ramadhan, apa erti tanpa kemeriahan, apa erti raya tanpa kemaafan, apa erti raya tanpa pengorbanan, apa erti raya tanpa si dia disisi.. hanya kita yang mampu memberikan erti raya pada diri kita sendiri.. Seribu lagu syawal diputar, seribu kad dilayang, seribu tetamu hadir, seribu juadah terhidang, seribu persalinan raya, seribu hiburan di tv, seribu sapaan diberi, takkan sama tanpa mu seorang.. Owh how I missed u..
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone
Soon, just around the corner is the most anticipated event of the year.. :) Moi birthday la.. Apa lagi.. So in case my friends and family read this, these are what I long all this year.. :)
1. A wrist watch ( preferably by Guess. Nak yg mcm dulu tu.. Sbb yg tu diamante dia dh tanggal, hence a new one )
2. A camera - bought that already!
3. A PSP or a PS 2 will do.. My ps was toast by the lightning ( owh how I missed to play Naruto Shippuden and The Ultimate Avenger ) hurm..
4. A perfume ( Clinique Happy for men will do just great )
5. A collection of Harry Potter DVD set and X-men..
6. A tablet - Playbook, Ipad 2 or Samsung Galaxy Tab ( or all of them! - eventhough I can see it serves no purposes for me except for a dashing accessories )
7. A new handsome male friend - just to show off
8. Another phone - an Iphone 4 or a Nokia N12 ( can't remember the series right but it is built with 12mpx cam and a touch screen phone ) Saje, I just can get enough with one phone..
9. A new bag - Adidas beach nylon bag or my all time fav, anything from Guess..
10. A pair of Levi's Skinny jeans that FIT me.. *frown*
11. A new laptop.. Naaah, I don't need one.. Mine is still working just fine.. Klu nak gak, I want one by Apple.. Macbook mcm wan kapak..
12. Barbie Mariposa and Poly Pocket.. I cannot have one of them, must be paired.. Sbb klu bosan main Barbie, ada Poly Pocket.. :)
13. A pet rabbit or a cute cat - preferably a tabby.. And it cage and supplies..
14. A bouquet of flowers and a chocolate during a nice dinner date..
15. A sofa - three seater to be put at SAC room..
16. A silver necklace with a nice pendant or locket..
17. A home makeover - enuff said
18. An adopted cute baby boy..
19. Soon to listed..
20. Him loves and cares.. :)
There you have it, my birthday wish list.. Thank you me for making your guys life more easier that having trouble what to buy me for my birthday.. :)
Many people has many different types of likings and obsession. I'm guilty of it to. But the again, some obsessions are just temporary, I might say. True to that.. I was a big freak of aroma theraphy ages ago.. U name it, mandarin, green apple, sea breeze, I've tried them all.. All of the sudden, the interest was just gone..
Not until recently. I kept attacked by a killing migraine.. Hate it, mind u.. Apa pun xboleh.. Then I started using ( if that's the correct verb ) aromatheraphy again.. This time around, its not a cliche essential oils n candle but rather like an inscent stick. But in a different shape..
My new thang is Maccha Tea n Sakura both from Gokoro.. Its a Japanese product.. Bought it at 100Yen shop.. Its in expensive but yet again the smell of the scent is calming esp people like me who endure the smell of smoke of burning woods.. Esp during kerja kwen.. Love the ambience when there's smoke floating around the area where they cook nasi minyak and stuff.. Yes, I'm a smoke addict.. Haha..
I reckon people out there to try n enjoy the de-calamity effects of the burning inscent.. And my pupils do enjoy it too.. :)
Oklah, nak prepare jap lagi kena observe ngan guru besar..
Ex ohw ex owh..
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone
What has becoming of me? Sometimes I see a clear straight path, and sometimes just a blurred vision. I know what I want. Sometimes I feel like I already get what I wanted. But sometimes all what I want is slipping through my grasp. It is a violent feeling of despair, but sometimes a divine feeling of hope.. I want something I cannot have but still I'm hoping for it. Such a fool I am but what can I say, I'm a slave of love. Prisoner in his heart....
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone
Sometimes I don't even know what is my heart. What is it made from? Why I just can be as strong as others. My heart if fragile more than you could imagine. But it has one strength that I admire the most. It mend itself fast after it broken into many pieces. But, what man can withstand many broken hearts? Soon, the scars might bleed and burst, and who knews, can it mend itself again? I'm just scared that my heart is never be as strong to mend and even all the love one's can give me a divine cure.. Whoever holds my heart in their hands of love, just don't patronise it, u have it doesn't mean it belongs to you..
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone
Its been a while, and now I'm back... Since my last posting, there's a lot of things happening to me, some good some bad and some are just ridiculous...
For start, I am now is not just a teacher, but am also a student ( a part time student ). A PPG Tesl student.. :) Enrolled last year and class started last June.. Now I know how it feels like to be juggling with works, studies and life... *fitam*
By the way, I kinda enjoyed my life at the moments since I manage to keep my cool despite all the hectic and crazy my life is... :) Maybe ( but I was definite ) because I have someone close who look after me... yup, that's right...
But that is another story to tell... For now, nak log off jap, nak gi masak sahur lak... :)
Posted by Cikgu Fitrie
on
11:14 PM
in
Life,
Sekolah
Mendengar keluh kesah kwn kat sekolah lama, membuatkan aku bersyukur sangat2 kerana berada di mana aku berada kini... Syukur... Besar hikmahnya berpindah ke sini... Nasib baik.. :)
Latest, I heard one of my bff kena kata macam2 sedangkan dia xde kat skolah tu.. Hurm, ciannyer kat Nani... Xpe, Nan, ko rehat la puas2, kalau betul ada problem yg major n ko rasa tertekan, ko mintak je tukar... Skolah aku ker? Haha...
Thank god, aku ngan shue happy sesangat kat environment baru... I wish all of my friends would feel like what i felt right now.. Pentadbir yg baik, kwn2 yg baik and he best part for me, ada abg yang baik.. hehe...
Kpd kwn2 yg stay kat sana tu, sabar je banyak2.. Doa la bnyak2 agar dipermudahkan segala urusan harian kat sana... Jgn stress sangat2... Kalau rasa xtahan dah, jom luahkan perasaan masing2 dalam slot 'Perjumpaan Tanpa Sebab Edisi Pertama'... Dapat idea ni pun dari Ijad! Haha... Ijad, if u read this, ko plan ea...
Diam x diam dah nak dekat nak masuk lima bulan aku kat SK LKTP Redong ni… Bnyak sungguh pengalaman yang best sepanjang 4 bulan aku kat kat sini… Dan sedih gak dengar kwn2 lama yg stress kat skolah lama.. What to do…
Best part so far, aku am very closed to somebody. Let just say my new bff… Hahaha… Bff ke? Tu mesti apa yg Shue akan cakap…Other than that, ialah kwn2 satu tempat kerje.. Mmg syiok… And today, xpernah rasa happy sepanjang 10 tahun mengajar utk gi KOKO… J
Cikgu Bad, Cikgu Rassid, Cikgu Burn, Cikgu Harits n Cikgu Aspa – best sesi karok tadi! Hahaha…
Bab kerje, mana2 skolah pun sama… Its how u n the rest made it… And for me, my GB is the best.. ( so far! ) hehehehe… Dah rasa mcm family dah ngan dia… Wife dia pun leh tahan jugak kepala.. Haha… Pade sesape nak beli tudung or baju kurung ke, pergilah ke Butik Norshah kat Bandar Utama Segamat… ( Promosi ni… )
Back to somebody that I’m close with tu, he is more than just a bff, more like a brother to me.. Finally,I have somebody to talk and share my problems with… Its not that I cannot talk with others bout that, its just that, we have mutual understanding and ‘bond’ that I felt that he can relate to myself… Its nice to have u around… J Aku ada terasa jugak, hbgn ngan kwn2 lama semakin renggang.. Maklumla, susah nak jumpa kan... Tapi korg sentiasa ada dalam fikiran aku... Mmg korang terbaik... Miss u guys... And theres a lot to tell.. *wink*
Hopefully, apa yg aku rasa sepanjang 4 bulan ni akan berkekalan selamanya... And to my new relationships, may it last forever... <3
I did not know it until I came across a blog mentioning Wellington boots. As we Malaysian commonly called it kasut getah, or kasut noreh or ‘recently’ called kasut PCK ( Pua Chu Kang ). Funny huh, this is better sounded as Wellington boot compared to kasut getah, I might say…
And to my surprised, its not only came in traditionally black or the famous PCK yellow, but in many great designs an colours… Check this out…
The traditional black...
The Famous Yellow made famous by Pua Chu Kang!
Cherry anyone?
What bout this poppy inspired design to match that marie claire bag?
30 minutes and 47 seconds... that showed me that u care... tq abang...
REWIND....
this morning i was tangled with mixed feeling... angry, frustration the most, feeling of deeply missed someone and etc, all snow-balled into one bulbous bag hanging on my shoulder... i couldnt concentrate at work, at all... so, i took the rest of the, off.. Odd.. Never have i left work for problem related to heart feelings before... *sigh...
these past two days, i was waiting for anything - phone call or text or even a missed call - NONE! I dont know if u knew how i felt, but the truth is, it really hurts... i know, u said countless time that u cannot 100 % commit, but its just me, that expected more from you... i wouldnt blame it on you...
bang, i know it IS hard to work something between us... and i was ready this morning to let everything go... for the sake of both of us... i was determined........................................... until u called... cleared things up... and im sorry, coz u felt obligated to apologize even it wasnt u who commited the so called crime.. i was me, bang... and i know it IS hard to keep our relationship as platonic as it should be...
i was suicidal.. then u called... and 30 minutes 47 seconds later.... i am revive and blessed to have u.. tq bang for care and love... ( even if its hard and many rocky path ahead of us ).. tq..
arghhhh.... feel stressed but i really cannot tell why? feel like something is lacking in my life.. partner? have it.. love? plenty of it.. friends? load of good friends.. work? enjoyed it.. what? why do i feel like this for many nights now??
maybe, just maybe im missing ORANG ITU...? perhaps...
dalam dok melayan perasaan semalam selepas tak tdo for almost 12 hours ni, i came across this singer ADELE.. i was so mesmerized by her voice and singing that i played her song over and over again.. matilah akak sebelah ni dengar lagu ni hat ulang2 dari smlm smpi la ni... haha... :P
the song that i really like is someone like you...
wish i can sing like her... wow wow wow.. mmg feeling abis smlm dengar lagu ni... biasalah, somehow a song can relate to you and ur love life... tau2 je kan ngah feeling2 bercinta tak kesampaian ni kan...
but satu lagi things i love to do is to listen to people who covers her song on youtube... and i found this particularly person really came uo with something that i thought as good as adele... true.. listen :
hurm... nangis dapat nyanyi lagu ni depan abang... :(
listen to the lyrics then i know in your somehow-better-than-my-life u can relate to this as well.. kan...
I heard that you're settled down, That you found a girl and you're married now, I heard that your dreams came true, Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you, Old friend, why are you so shy? Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light,
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it, I had hoped you'd see my face, And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you, too, Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said, "Sometimes it lasts in love, But sometimes it hurts instead," Sometimes it lasts in love, But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,
You know how the time flies, Only yesterday was the time of our lives, We were born and raised in a summer haze, Bound by the surprise of our glory days,
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it, I had hoped you'd see my face, And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you, too, Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said, "Sometimes it lasts in love, But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Nothing compares, No worries or cares, Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made, Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you, Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said, "Sometimes it lasts in love, But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you, too, Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said, "Sometimes it lasts in love, But sometimes it hurts instead," Sometimes it lasts in love, But sometimes it hurts instead.
lirik dari : http://www.metrolyrics.com/someone-like-you-lyrics-adele.html
sometimes, aku tertanya2.. tentang hati.. npe mudah sangat berubah2... in my case, nape mudah sangat jatuh hati?? and i read somewhere, it takes a second to fall in love.. true to that...
bukan aku tak sayang DIA, sayang sangat2... Tapi npe masih ada ruang dalam hti ni utk sayang ORANG LAIN? sedangkan aku tau, ORANG LAIN tu mmg hak sesorg... one thing bout ORANG LAIN tu, dia faham situasi ni - good for me, but at the same time ORANG LAIN tu cakap dia boleh sayang tapi xboleh bagi sepenuhnya komitmen.. fully understood coz u r hak sesorang...
mungkin adanya ruang kosong dalam hati ni sbb DIA yang yang aku rasakan semakin menjauh atau sayang dia pada aku makin berkurang - hence, the emptiness i fell? dan kehadiran ORANG LAIN tu mengisi kekosongan?
its a hard thing to keep my new relationship with ORANG LAIN under the radar, coz it was so obvious even a blind man can see... maybe my decision to keep it low IS the best thing to do for ORANG LAIN and me.
I dont want to hurt DIA. Love DIA very much, but i cannot contain my feeling toward ORANG LAIN too.. Can a person love two persons at the same time - secretly?
eventhough ORANG LAIN and i already decided that our relationship is only platonic, but i knew, and he knows, that i just plain love him, platonic-ally or not. susah kalau ada banyak sayang dalam hati ni...
too much love can kill you? true in a sense that if this entanglement is shed to DIA's light!
i've been thinnking bout ORANG LAIN a lot ( too much i must say ) lately... i think it is a gesture of my love toward ORANG LAIN... ah, susah la mcm ni... pening2...
loving somebody whom i know will never be mine, even if that person love u back, is something that i have to live with.. question is, will i be able?
tepat kol 12, hp aku berbunyik.. aku tak baca pun msg tu, sbb ngantuk sangat... been sleeping from 8pm to 2am... ngantuk sangat.. semalam was a hectic day... bngun jap pun lupa nak baca msg.. only this morning teringat ada msg... rupa2nya my bff, Ainie Awang dah selamat bersalin... 31 March 2011...
pape hal pun, if u read this, congratulations on ur newborn baby boy... happy sangat2... kalau baie ko dah tak nak, bagik kat aku ea.. hehehe...
haish... tension tul.. dah dua hari dah tak bertegur.. actually ada gak dia tegur, tapi mls nak layan.. buat2 tak tau sbb geram n sakit ati n sedih.. hurm.. we'll see, how many days will this predicament will last... :)
enuff with this stupid condition, i reckon, nak pikir nak masak ape lak hari ni...baru tadi dapat dua batang ginger torch dari kak mislah... nak masak asam pedas la rini... xbuat buat kerabu udang ke sotong... yummy... mana nak carik resepi kalau bukan kat resepi.mesra.net.... :) Fav spot kalau nak cari resepi melayu... ada gak resepi yg aku uploadkan.. bubur ayam ala segamat istimewa katanya... resepi : klik sini...
bukan gambar sebenar! sekadar hiasan, bak kata org tua2:P
owh, lupe.. semalam shue n wan ajak ikut dia balik perak.. mcm nak, macam mls pun ada.. satu sbb jauh, satu sbb kejap je.. kalau 2 3 bulan kat sana, nak jugak aku gi... tapi since my live n love life ni pun dah macam upside down, crumbling and crippling, rasa mcm nak je tenangkan fikiran jap.. entah la...
lama dah tak gi perak.. dpat jalan2 sehari dua best gak kan... teringin nak gi tambun lagi...
first time dalam sejarah, masuk panggung cuma ada aku, kakak aku ngan abg ipar aku... macam dicharted panggung wayang hari tu, aku ngan kakak n abg ipar aku, pe lagi, buat mcm panggung sendiri la.. hahaha...
kitorg gi nengok citer I am number four... nak nengok Rango, hari tu dah lewat sangat... Nengok kat Tiram Mall je.. Sbb selesa parking n org tak ramai sangat... :)
I Am Number Four
Cite mmg best, sbb pasal budak ntah dari planet mana ntah mmg ada special power.. lari dari planet diorg sbb ada geng jahat nak bunuh diorg... yg number2 sampai ntah bape ntah tu sbb diorg ada power.. number 1 sampai 3 dah mati... tggal number 4 and the rest...
so journey citer ni berkisar kat budak ensem tu yang sentiasa on the run ngan dia nyer guardian... sampai satu tempat, dia fall in love ngan pelakon citer glee yg pregnant tu... last2 dia decided nak stay kat situ n stop running... biasalah, kalau ada buah hati je, nak settle down...
so, eventually geng alien jahat pun tracked them down dan masa ni lah berlakunye climax citer ni... give it 3 stars...
NOTE : cuba kira berapa kali microphone nampak sepanjang movie... countless... ! and owh, akan ada sequel...
Rango
Esoknyer lak, kitorg gi nengok Rango... Kakak aku le yg beria2 beno nak nengok... Aku mcm xde mood je nak nengok animation...
Tapi pas abis nengok Rango tu, mmg animation dia cantik sangat.. mmg nampak mcm real... Jalan citer pun menarik... Kisah cicak jadik sheriff! haha... malas nak tulis panjang2 kalau nak nengok belilah dvd... all i can say, mmg best... i love the blue on the lizard!
tetibe je rasa nak tulis blog rini.. sbb xtau nak luahkan kat sape... dah berkurun tinggalkan blog sbb busy ngan keje n stuff, terbengkalai jua akhirnya blog ni... i dunno why, i started life this morning with such joys and enthusiasm tapi tba2 je terus down... puncanya, text msg dari sorg ni.... seriously, you wreck my day man....! sedih.... :(
dah le smlm sakit hati gila ngan mamat sorg lg tu... i know im not perfect, but i know im alright... selama ni ko knal aku bertahun2 aku mcm ni gak... what gives? npe lak tetiba smlm jadi isu??? rasa mcm dah malas dah nak ada pape hubungan ngan sesape lagi dah... i just want babies.. boleh??? yup, in few years time, i will adopt a son of my on.. of a daughter... so what if i cherish my celibacy?
damn... masih marah lagi kat bdk ni... :( and for mat F, i think it almost time for us to depart... what say you?????
Posted by Cikgu Fitrie
on
9:30 AM
in
Life,
Sekolah
2hb Februari : Dah dua hari melangkah ke bulan romantis Februari. Dan telah se-Januari aku di Felda Redong... 31 hari yang aku sangkakan sukar, tapi sebaliknya... Tak pernah terlintas untuk merasakan sekolah ini ( sekolah ke 3 ) akan dapat mengatasi segala kegirangan yang pernah aku rasa di SKBPS... Tapi, se-Januari ini telah menyangkal spekulasi minda aku.. The truth, aku gembira di sini... Bersama rakan2 baru, pentadbiran baru, wajah2 baru serta wadah yang baru...
Se-Januari aku di Felda Redong, apa yang aku rindukan ialah kawan2 aku di sana... Hurm, tak akan ada ( mungkin ) galang ganti kawan2 yang menerima aku seadaanya di sana.. Aku tak rasa macam kawan tapi lebih kepada saudara... :) Thank you for giving me a great time...
Se-Januari aku telah meninggalkan SKBPS... Se-Januari jugalah aku di SK LKTP Redong... Angin perubahan dan pembaharuan yang aku harapkan... Harapan untuk mengulangi apa yang aku dah dapat di SKBP akan aku kecapi di sini... Namun satu, pengalaman hidup di sana takkan dapat diganti dengan pengalaman se-Januari di sini...
Kenangan malam farewell party yang ANTARA kawan2 baik buat... ( ada kwn2 yg tak dpat hadir sbb last minit planning... TQ Shuharnie Shuib for making that night happened... )
Sempena perjumpaan Guru Besar, En Kamaruddin Bin Ali, bersama-sama dengan ibu bapa pelajar tahun 6, SK LKTP Redong, ajk majlis perjumpaan EXCELLENT UPSR ini, sempat merakamkan ucapan dan harapan beberapa orang guru sekolah ini kepada semua pelajar-pelajar Tahun 6 yang akan menduduki UPSR pada tahun ini. Semoga dengan adanya kata-kata semangat dari guru-guru ini, menambahkan lagi motivasi, keazaman dan iltizam semua calon-calon UPSR untuk melakukan yang terbaik.
